"I like soft music"

I have previously posted about my students' lack of taste in good music and their affinity for boy bands, love ballads, and Michael Jackson.  The Chinese also love Elton John and various slow piano music like this one called "Kiss the Rain."

I hear it on the streets, in stores, in class... basically anywhere that music can be played.  I'm pretty sick of this song by now and have had just about enough of it. 

Enjoy.

Who the !#%(@ is Da Shan?

This guy.  

He's basically the most famous white-person in China but completely unknown outside of the country and despised by most, if not all, foreigners trying to learn Chinese in the country.  He even has a ridiculous name: 大山, Da Shan ("Big Mountain").  You have to be kidding me, Mark Henry Rowswell. 

He's really famous because he hosts a show on CCTV-9 (English channel) teaching foreigners how to speak Chinese.  Many Chinese even believe that he speaks more clearly/ better than most Chinese. I have to admit that this is true, but is quite remarkable for the Chinese people to say this too. 

His TV segments are kind of "The Wiggles" meets "Mr. Rogers" meets China CCTV.  He sits at a desk or on a stool wearing solid color shirts with the overlay boxes displaying the sentences he's teaching and repeats them slowly and articulately.  Then there are little role-plays that he introduces which are followed by another Da Shan teaching minute. 

Apparently he has all sorts of TV performances and skits, of which I've never seen because after all the "Learn Chinese" shows I've seen, he really makes me cringe. 

"The Chinese people immediately fell in love with his big eyes, sexy hair, expressive facial features and aura of cleverness."

He was even allowed to carry the Olympic Torch in 2008 in a city that granted him honorary citizenship and that he considers his hometown.

Da Shan is the ultimate symbol to China of a Westerner being fascinated by the Chinese culture and fully immersing themselves in the culture (which we are always reminded is the oldest civilization in existence) and pretty much giving up living in the Western world to live in China.  Not to mention speaking ridiculously good Chinese. 

So thanks, Da Shan, for making the rest of us Chinese students look like idiots.  But on a larger scale, fueling the Chinese desire to essentially take over the West and the belief that Chinese culture is unquestionably superior over the rest in the world. 

Identity crisis, the sequel

Today at lunch I met a Chinese English teacher who teaches most of my classes Hotel English.  He was really nice even though his English was spotty and probably worse than my Chinese.  I was glad to meet my Hotel English counterpart and I think he was glad to meet me because my students had been telling him about me.

I asked him what they thought of me, forgetting how blunt the Chinese can be at times, and was told that some of the students think that it is a "pity that [I] am not a blonde eyed, blue haired American girl."

Well, um, gee, thanks for the compliment?  

I understand that the students would ideally like a "blonde eyed, blue haired American girl," but I'd like to think that after my students' initial period of time when they were trying to figure out what exactly an Asian-American was, that they now see me as an American.  At the beginning, it was almost as if I was a lost Chinese girl who was shipwrecked on the far away island of Singapore, was shipped to America in a box by accident, and has finally returned to the motherland, the Middle Country, the Peoples' Republic of China.  Now my students forget I actually speak Chinese and have no questions that I am American.

At first I was asked things like "Why is your hair black?" and "Are your parents Chinese?" which seem pretty obvious to us, but to many Chinese people there is no concept of the hyphenated Asian-American.  I thought most of my students had gotten over this by now.

I guess they haven't. 

I'm giving my students the benefit of the doubt, though, since I do have so much direct contact with them and face-to-face time with me speaking American English and absolutely no Chinese.  The way I walk, dress, hold myself, and even write my number '6' (a constant war between me and my students) is completely different.  Maybe it was just this one teacher who did not expect the 'foreign teacher Alison' to look so Chinese.  Perhaps he himself has more prejudices than my students and would not learn English from me, but rather a white person even if they are an uncaring and overall crappy teacher.

These are the frustrations I have faced almost every day here.  I am an Asian-American.  I am Chinese.  I am a U.S. citizen, have voted in the past two elections, hold a drivers license, and have completed thirteen years in the American educational system.

The thing is that China is so very homogeneous.  There may be fifty-one minority groups, but most (92% according to Wikipedia) of the people you see are Han.    There is no Korean-Chinese or Canadian-Chinese.  Only Chinese.

The plus side is that there is a word in Chinese "华人“ (overseas Chinese) which indicates I am of Chinese decent, but my family settled in Singapore all those decades ago.  Step one, check.  Step two is to explain how I can be both American and Chinese at the same time.

Cue shrill sound of a bomb dropping and exploding.  

And that's where the logic ends.  So here I am, somewhere between fully American and fully Chinese to the, um, real Chinese?  Cool.  Thanks guys.  I appreciate it.  I'm just going to continue to teach you American English with some hopes that you too one day will go to America, and possibly even have your own little Asian-American children yourself.  That will be the day.

And I'm baaaaaaack!

Today it snowed in Qingdao.  This is unacceptable seeing that it is March and it has been below freezing for four months now.  Otherwise, I'm pretty much settled in and have started teaching again.

I have a whopping nine classes this semester, seven of which are the same as last term.  This means I have about 500 students total.  There are pros and cons to having the same students.

Pros
- I don't have to learn 500 new names.
- I don't have to re-train the students to do what I want.
- They are used to my voice and rhythm of speech.
- They know I mean business because they saw the grades I gave last term.

Cons
- I can't reuse lesson plans from last term.
- Those that I failed or gave bad grades to may be harboring ill will towards me.
- I have to think of new tricks, games, and methods of keeping them in line.
- More work for me, basically.

International Women's Day 

 Obesity competition to Celebrate Women's Day in China

Nevertheless, this week started out pretty nicely with Monday being International Women's Day.  I received a nice card and a flower from one of my classes and then was bussed over to a ladies' luncheon hosted by my university for all the female employees.  It was a huge lunch complete with karaoke and raffle prizes!

After the lunch the women were given half of the day off and there were buses going downtown and to various shopping areas but I totally missed the memo on this (I was told about the lunch about 5 minutes before I had to get on the bus) so had no money and came back to campus.  Some people get the whole day off!  America should really take note and celebrate the holiday.  I also got a chance to see my boss drunk at lunch, so that was a bonus treat. 

And the weirdness starts...

Chinese students are trained from the time they are young to stand up and greet the teacher in unison but I have been spared this form of mass forced screaming until this week.  Basically, when the bell rings, the class monitor shouts (in English):

"STAND UP!"

After which all the students say,

"GOOD MORNING MISS ALISON!"

Then the monitor says,

"SIT DOWN!"

And they sit down as I laugh at them and then they nervously laugh at me, because they know that I think this is all very funny.

I also had some students that decided to rename themselves over break, including:
- Naruto
- bluice (I convinced him to go by Blue, complete with a capital letter and not a fake compound word)
- Lone Los (previously Andy Zhang who tried to name himself Amvipe last semester, a pretty brilliant attempt at phonetically spelling out 'MVP')
- Danny Nowitski (previously just Nowitski but I think he realized that it was a little ridiculous so he added a first name to his sirname)

It is tuesday and I am already over half done with my teaching hours this week. I guess that is what happens when you have two classes on Monday and FOUR on Tuesday.  Meaning, I am teaching from 8am to 5pm with only a break for lunch.

Otherwise, I'd really appreciate a slice of chocolate cake, a curry puff, and a hot fudge sundae right about  now.

旧金山欢迎你！

Chinese people do some funny stuff on planes (and trains too, I guess, but it’s always weirder on a plane). Maybe it’s because the majority of the country does not normally travel by plane nor has ever stepped foot on a plane. Jenna was even once asked if airplane food was any good by a student!

“We’re here!”

On every domestic flight I’ve ever taken in China, at least one person jumps out of their seat immediately after landing and still on the tarmac to reach to the overhead bins and gather their stuff. Then a frantic stewardess has to sprint down the aisle to tell them to sit down until we reach the gate. This sometimes works, but they are always so surprised to hear that it might be dangerous to be walking around when the plane has just landed (I’m talking wheels touching the ground here!).

Free food?!

You don’t get snacks on a train, so it doesn’t surprise me that Chinese people get very excited about plane snacks. I’ve gotten some pretty interesting plane snacks, including

dried jujubes and

a giant package of parsley-flavored(?) crackers.

There’s also the inevitable wiping of the face using the complimentary wet napkin, which always grosses me out. On my last domestic flight between Kunming and Beijing, we got the most random assortment of sacks I’ve ever encountered: a dinner roll with jam, a brown cupcake (I don’t know what flavor it was, just brown), and a packaged soy sauce hard boiled egg. Then I looked over and the man and woman next to me ate the jelly with a fork and wondered why it tasted so sweet.

Lights out!

On my flight to San Francisco, the lights went out after dinner, the normal attempt to try to get everyone to sleep to adjust to the time better. I didn’t sleep much and watched two movies, The Road and The Men Who Stare at Goats. There were also some American movies (and one about the Cultural Revolution… shocking) but they were dubbed over.

Anywho, when the lights went out, the guy sitting diagonal of me yelled “EHH???” and then whistled at the stewardesses before he and his friend figured out that they could simply turn on their own lights from their seat. I laughed silently in my seat.

So I guess typing this on the plane will be my last of the China-tastic experiences for a while. I mean, unless I happen to go to a Chinese grocery store with my mom (very likely) or go to NYC Chinatown (also likely).

On a side note, the Rockband app for the iPhone is insanely awesome.

"Safe and sound" apple

I mentioned this before, but Chinese students here give each other apples for Christmas.  This is a relatively new trend (as in the past three to four years) among young people, according to my old teacher Linda.  I think it is also because the younger, more Westernized Chinese also want to celebrate Christmas in their own way. 

I wish we gave out fruits in America!  Some other random presents I've received include a mug with a lid and a glow stick.  This is actually the coolest apple I've ever seen.

 

The character is from 恭喜, which means "congratulations" and is frequently said during the new year. I think that there was some sort of sticker put on the apple to prevent the yellow parts from turning red.  Pretty cool stuff!  I don't want to eat it and wish I could bring it back to America.

The student who gave this to me, Myron, also wrote me a pretty sweet note:

Dear Alison:

Hello!

Your lessons are very interesting and you are very funny.  In your class, I feel relax and happy.  Besides, I want to learn more.

Before, I can only say "Hello" to a foreigner.  After I meet you I dare to lots of words.  Although I can't express my meaning well.

I write this letter is to thank you.

In China, apple means "safe and sound".  Now I send this apple to you.  I wish you're always safe and sound in your life.

I also wish that you can still teach us the next year!

Yours,

Myron

I have yet to decide whether I will keep my same classes next year or not.  I do really love my students, but am also open to meeting new ones and having a different experience next semester.  I guess I'll just wait and see what happens.  All I know is that I want Fridays free and all my classes earlier in the day so I can have my afternoons to take my own Chinese classes and work out.

This is my second to last week of classes and my students are being subjected to exam part one: oral comprehension.  Mwahaha. 

We're having a party...

I got a call this evening from one of my student inviting me to a New Years party that Class D2 was having so I gladly headed over after dinner.

It was so much fun to see my kids in a non-academic environment and just having fun! First we watched a slideshow consisting of various class photos doing different activities. Apparently they have also had a lot of field days and even a dumpling making party! This class is a hard-working and cohesive one, so I'm not surprised by this at all.

I found it amusing that their snacks were mainly fruits, sunflower seeds, peanuts, and very few chips. There was also something about feeding each other bananas, which I dodged because of my fruit allergy. I guess my allergy comes in handy, finally.

Then it was karaoke hour...

 

Then I met their homeroom teacher, who turned out to be really cool. Then a food fight ensued and sunflower seeds, banana peels, orange peels, and various cookies were thrown across the room.

This food fight ended after they ran out of ammo and it was all on the floor. There was also a growing number of girls hiding behind me. Apparently they thought I was immune to the attacks, which was proven wrong later. Don't worry girls, Ms. Alison will protect you!

Then we lit the birthday cake, which had this really awesome flower on it. When you lit the top wick, the petals all came down slowly and there was a huge flower flame in the middle as it played the tune of "Happy Birthday." Oh these Chinese people. This cake was everyone's birthday cake and essentially was for the New Year too. There is an old Chinese belief that you should just celebrate everyone's birthday on that one date, or something like that.

And then this ensued...

 

 

 

I was involved in my first legitimate food fight, complete with icing smashed into my hair and thrown around the room. I eventually washed my face off in the sink, but when it's about 25 degrees F outside, this was not a fun thing to do! I told my kids "this is how much I love you!" and they laughed.

So thank you, class D2, for an eventful Monday night that I will never forget. Just another day in my life.

Have yourself a very China Christmas

The idea of Christmas exists in China and the Chinese are all very aware of the holiday.  However, it's like if you hyper-secularized what we have in America and called it a holiday but didn't give anyone any time off.  I know that in America it has become a secular holiday, but here it is even more so because there is no context or deeper meaning (even if you don't believe in God, you still know why we have Christmas).

There are random Christmas decorations in shops, restaurants, and even my gym, mainly consisting of "Merry Christmas" signs, Christmas trees, and cut-outs of Santa.  It's mainly because of the fascination with anything Western.

Here is an article from the People's Daily, everyone's favorite English propaganda paper, about the growing zeal for Christmas in China.

Alison, what did you do this fine Christmas Eve? 

Oh well, gee, I'm glad (maybe not) you asked!  I taught two classes, ate lunch at the cafeteria, then wrote my final exam for my students which starts tomorrow.  Then I ate Japanese food with another teacher and topped that off with a McDonalds hot fudge sundae.

Tomorrow I will be teaching one class and giving them part one of their final exam as a Christmas present.  This will be followed by Skyping family and friends and possibly going downtown for a little taste of home. 

Peace Apples

Another thing that I discovered last week is that Chinese people gift each other apples for Christmas.  They gift wrap them in cellophane and ribbon and present them to their friends, coworkers, and teachers as presents.  This is because the word for apple ( 苹果 ping2guo3) sounds like the word for peace (平安 ping2an1).

Misconceptions galore

This week I had to explain to my students that we don't give apples as presents and explain who Santa is because they see him all the time (圣诞老人, literally "Christmas old man").  They didn't really know the story of Santa except that he gives everyone presents on Christmas.

I also taught the kids several Christmas songs these past two weeks.  First I taught them "Jingle Bells" because all they knew was the "Jingle bells jingle bells" part and then they just kept repeating that throughout the song.  This week I've been teaching them "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" and "Deck the Halls."  I knew they wouldn't do it, but no one sang "Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra."

So that is my little Christmas from over here in the Middle Kingdom.  Merry Christmas to you and your family and may it be filled with love, good food, and a healthy new year.  Be thankful for your family and don't forget to think about those who cannot be home for Christmas -- not me, but the soldiers around the world.  And now from the city I miss desperately...

圣诞快乐！

William

I caved and had dinner with my student last Tuesday because he was preparing for an oral English exam as part of a summer work program.  It sounds really sketchy and borderline illegal, but basically these students apply to a program where they pay a fee and then go to work in the US at a variety of different jobs including working at McDonalds, as is shown in the photo on the brochure.  I am against this on so many different levels and also want my students to get a better view of American than this warped cheap labor one.

It's marketed as some sort of "Work & Travel" program where they work for 3 months and then have money to travel around the US for a few weeks.  I question the legitimacy and legality of the whole thing.

So one of my students, William, is applying to this program and asked me to practice speaking English with him after class to prepare for the test.  I invited Jenna along so we could tag-team test him, but it was simultaneously the strangest, most hilarious and awkward dinner I've ever had with a Chinese person.

After we grilled him on some basic interview questions, the conversation took a turn to all sorts of weird topics.

• William asked us what we thought about love, and apparently this meant homosexuality (quote, "What about boy and boy or girl and girl?).  We told him that it was perfectly fine for a man to love another man and a woman to love another woman and he said this was just wrong and not correct while making all sorts of faces at us.  Moving on...
• Apparently the poor kid has an ex girlfriend that he is still in love with and still is his cell phone background.  They broke up at the start of the school year, but he says he is still in love with her.  He also said that she was "up here" and he was "down here" (then we couldn't really describe to him how to say 'out of your league').  
• Then he declared that he "wants a wife!" and basically spends all his extra time out of school looking for a girlfriend.  This is actually pretty common with students and they are obsessed with finding a significant other. 

Then the conversation shifted and he decided that he was in love with Jenna.

• William was perplexed that Jenna was single and had no desire to have a boyfriend.  He just didn't get it.  No matter how many times we said it, he would just be flabbergasted and say "I don't understand!" This is also a pretty common feeling in China.  We then tried to explain to him about the American desire to get to know yourself before you settle down and look for a wife/husband and he just didn't get it.  You'd think we were speaking a completely different language or that we were from a completely different planet. 
  
• Jenna is probably going to teach in Taiwan after this semester is over.  When she told William, you would think someone killed his puppy because he yelled "NOOO!!" and the color drained out of his face.  I laughed hysterically and was pretty much tearing at this point. 
• Then he decided that he wanted to be Jenna's boyfriend and kept asking her out to be his girlfriend.

When we walked back to our dorm, we got into this really awkward standoff when William wanted to give Jenna a hug but she wouldn't (teacher-student relationship... very dodgy here).  His logic was like this:

Americans : casual --> Jenna : American --> Jenna : casual

This ended in a standoff and a "joke" about whether he could hug her off campus.  On the whole, this was a very awkward dinner on many levels but shed light on many cultural differences between us as Americans and the Chinese.  I have a feeling I'll be mentally digesting this one for a while...