Identity crisis, the sequel

Today at lunch I met a Chinese English teacher who teaches most of my classes Hotel English.  He was really nice even though his English was spotty and probably worse than my Chinese.  I was glad to meet my Hotel English counterpart and I think he was glad to meet me because my students had been telling him about me.

I asked him what they thought of me, forgetting how blunt the Chinese can be at times, and was told that some of the students think that it is a "pity that [I] am not a blonde eyed, blue haired American girl."

Well, um, gee, thanks for the compliment?  

I understand that the students would ideally like a "blonde eyed, blue haired American girl," but I'd like to think that after my students' initial period of time when they were trying to figure out what exactly an Asian-American was, that they now see me as an American.  At the beginning, it was almost as if I was a lost Chinese girl who was shipwrecked on the far away island of Singapore, was shipped to America in a box by accident, and has finally returned to the motherland, the Middle Country, the Peoples' Republic of China.  Now my students forget I actually speak Chinese and have no questions that I am American.

At first I was asked things like "Why is your hair black?" and "Are your parents Chinese?" which seem pretty obvious to us, but to many Chinese people there is no concept of the hyphenated Asian-American.  I thought most of my students had gotten over this by now.

I guess they haven't. 

I'm giving my students the benefit of the doubt, though, since I do have so much direct contact with them and face-to-face time with me speaking American English and absolutely no Chinese.  The way I walk, dress, hold myself, and even write my number '6' (a constant war between me and my students) is completely different.  Maybe it was just this one teacher who did not expect the 'foreign teacher Alison' to look so Chinese.  Perhaps he himself has more prejudices than my students and would not learn English from me, but rather a white person even if they are an uncaring and overall crappy teacher.

These are the frustrations I have faced almost every day here.  I am an Asian-American.  I am Chinese.  I am a U.S. citizen, have voted in the past two elections, hold a drivers license, and have completed thirteen years in the American educational system.

The thing is that China is so very homogeneous.  There may be fifty-one minority groups, but most (92% according to Wikipedia) of the people you see are Han.    There is no Korean-Chinese or Canadian-Chinese.  Only Chinese.

The plus side is that there is a word in Chinese "华人“ (overseas Chinese) which indicates I am of Chinese decent, but my family settled in Singapore all those decades ago.  Step one, check.  Step two is to explain how I can be both American and Chinese at the same time.

Cue shrill sound of a bomb dropping and exploding.  

And that's where the logic ends.  So here I am, somewhere between fully American and fully Chinese to the, um, real Chinese?  Cool.  Thanks guys.  I appreciate it.  I'm just going to continue to teach you American English with some hopes that you too one day will go to America, and possibly even have your own little Asian-American children yourself.  That will be the day.

My not so 老 老师

I was really excited that 田老师 invited me to his apartment for a party and had a fleeting thought that it might be his birthday.  Turns out I was right!  I had a really fun Friday night but it was not without its own strange occurrences and funny stories. 

不好意思, Holy !#%@& I am embarrassed

I thought that I had 田健 (my teacher's name is Tian Jian)'s phone number because he had been texting me off and on over the past few months.  So yesterday afternoon I texted him to figure out how to get to his apartment and this is what happened (all in Chinese, this is a translation):

Me: How do I get to your apartment?  Which bus do I take?
田老师: What are you talking about?
(incoming phone call)
田老师: Eh, Wu Laoshi (my Chinese name as a teacher)?  Foreign Teacher?  Do you remember me?  Did you send me a text message incorrectly?
Me: Oh god.  I am so embarrassed.  I am sorry, I do not remember who you are!
(text messages)
田老师Haha, it's okay. 
Me: I am so embarrassed, my Chinese teacher's name is also 田老师!
田老师: Haha, no problem. Next time I can teach you Chinese. =)

At this point I am:
(1) laughing because so many Chinese people have the same last names,
(2) embarrassed because I had mixed up my own Chinese teacher with someone else who decided to text me and
(3) mortified because I have an unknown stalker of sorts. 

I know that this other mysterious Tian laoshi has to be a teacher on my campus somewhere and there are only a few that I've given my number to, so this narrows it down quite a bit.  The problem is that I don't remember what any of these teachers look like!  I try to keep my head down here on campus because I hate being asked to teach other people English.  My life is so awkward. 

Happy Birthday, 祝你生日快乐田健!

I finally got myself over to 田健 (Tian Jian, my Chinese teacher)'s apartment and was greeted by many of his students.  They were all Japanese except for myself and Anna, a Polish girl who also studies at the school but isn't technically Jian's student.  It was really nice getting to know other expats who are not from Western countries and their children were just too cute for words!

Tian Jian and his roommates cooked us a big dinner which was delicious and really made me want to learn how to cook Northern Chinese food.  They claimed it was simple, but I doubt it and I think it's also great that these men know how to cook up a storm!  We had some classic dishes including eggs and cucumbers, mushrooms and pork, and the local specialty, Qingdao gala (clams).  Tian Jian even cooked up 酸辣土豆丝 (vinegar chili shredded potatoes) which were really good, but I joked that if we got 拉肚子 ("pulled stomach" or indigestion) tomorrow it would be his fault. 

Then Tian Jian toasted to his 25th birthday, to his friend the chef, and to all of us his students.  He said that an important part of teaching is to actually like your students and to feel happy when going to teach class.  Not only is studying well important, but also a special friendship between teacher and student and that it is fate that we were all brought together. 

It was really touching, and as a teacher myself, I couldn't agree more!  To me it is also important to have a close relationship with my Chinese teacher and to feel comfortable asking questions about anything and to make stupid mistakes during class.  I could not be more appreciative that he feels the same way and I am so glad that I have him as a teacher. 

And, well, after this touching moment occurred, the debauchery broke out in the form of beer and sake.  We did a lot of 干杯 ("empty cup", cheers, or bottoms up!) and he had to go around and drink with everyone.  I also had to hold up my own honor and "face" as an American and drink a lot just because I am from the US of A, the land of binge drinking.  Thanks a lot, Hollywood. 

Then there was a birthday cake complete with birthday torch candle that played "Happy Birthday" over and over again.  Let me tell you, Chinese cakes are delicious.  They are made with real cream frosting and the cake is perfectly moist and spongy.  It's also great because they're not overly sweet and you don't feel like you're going to develop Type II diabetes after ever single bite. 

Plus, they come with a paper crown, which should really be a part of every birthday party.  The down side of birthday parties in China is that the Chinese have this strange idea that it is normal to have a food fight at parties and smear icing all over your friends for luck. 

I didn't get too badly covered and only got a bit on my cheeks and a schmear or two in my hair by his roommate.  Also note the giant bottle of sake next to the mirror that was given as a gift by one of the Japanese students.  Needless to say, Tian Jian was tucked into bed by his roommates before midnight and left sleeping on the floor under a pile of blankets (but with a bucket!).  This was also before midnight and the friends then proceeded to leave the apartment to celebrate his birthday... without him.

Way to go, friends.  I'm just glad that's never happened to me! 

Beware the Jabberwocky

I also saw Alice in Wonderland in 3D tonight with Althea and it was pretty good.  It was a different interpretation of the story than the cartoon version and it was a lot trippier.  I kind of liked it and loved Johnny Depp's performance.  This was my first legal movie watching experience in China and it was kind of fun to actually go to a movie theatre again. 

Spring is arriving quickly and I no longer have to wear a puffy coat or tights under my jeans.  Yippee!

I should be used to this by now

 (clam farms in Qingdao, I think)

Words/ phrases I hope to never hear again after leaving China:

- That is lovely
- "just so-so"
- It is so interesting
- delicious foods
- "and so on..."
- What a pity!
- Nice to meet you.
- play with my friends

This list will probably grow longer as my second term progresses, but I am kind of sick of correcting the same mistakes over and over again.  Plus, I can't correct flat out awkward or old-fashioned English.

Otherwise, my weekend was fun because I met another English teacher and we went to "hike" around the 石老人 ("stone old man") area of Qingdao but ended up climbing a random rock.  It was a really windy day but was a nice change from winter -- it was great to be outside again!  We did wander across a strange "Bear Performance Park" where we took photos like this:

 I think this park is some sort of zoo meets Banjo Kazooie ride -- pretty scary, huh?  I also treated myself to a latte from Starbucks on Saturday before coming back to my apartment.  America!

I start Chinese lessons again this week and it's finally warming up just a little.  There was a giant storm on Sunday, complete with thunder, lightning, and flash flooding.  Considering that I am on a coastal town in the north, I didn't know this was possible.  It's nice to get back into a routine of things here, but I am eagerly awaiting my first long weekend vacation!

And I'm baaaaaaack!

Today it snowed in Qingdao.  This is unacceptable seeing that it is March and it has been below freezing for four months now.  Otherwise, I'm pretty much settled in and have started teaching again.

I have a whopping nine classes this semester, seven of which are the same as last term.  This means I have about 500 students total.  There are pros and cons to having the same students.

Pros
- I don't have to learn 500 new names.
- I don't have to re-train the students to do what I want.
- They are used to my voice and rhythm of speech.
- They know I mean business because they saw the grades I gave last term.

Cons
- I can't reuse lesson plans from last term.
- Those that I failed or gave bad grades to may be harboring ill will towards me.
- I have to think of new tricks, games, and methods of keeping them in line.
- More work for me, basically.

International Women's Day 

 Obesity competition to Celebrate Women's Day in China

Nevertheless, this week started out pretty nicely with Monday being International Women's Day.  I received a nice card and a flower from one of my classes and then was bussed over to a ladies' luncheon hosted by my university for all the female employees.  It was a huge lunch complete with karaoke and raffle prizes!

After the lunch the women were given half of the day off and there were buses going downtown and to various shopping areas but I totally missed the memo on this (I was told about the lunch about 5 minutes before I had to get on the bus) so had no money and came back to campus.  Some people get the whole day off!  America should really take note and celebrate the holiday.  I also got a chance to see my boss drunk at lunch, so that was a bonus treat. 

And the weirdness starts...

Chinese students are trained from the time they are young to stand up and greet the teacher in unison but I have been spared this form of mass forced screaming until this week.  Basically, when the bell rings, the class monitor shouts (in English):

"STAND UP!"

After which all the students say,

"GOOD MORNING MISS ALISON!"

Then the monitor says,

"SIT DOWN!"

And they sit down as I laugh at them and then they nervously laugh at me, because they know that I think this is all very funny.

I also had some students that decided to rename themselves over break, including:
- Naruto
- bluice (I convinced him to go by Blue, complete with a capital letter and not a fake compound word)
- Lone Los (previously Andy Zhang who tried to name himself Amvipe last semester, a pretty brilliant attempt at phonetically spelling out 'MVP')
- Danny Nowitski (previously just Nowitski but I think he realized that it was a little ridiculous so he added a first name to his sirname)

It is tuesday and I am already over half done with my teaching hours this week. I guess that is what happens when you have two classes on Monday and FOUR on Tuesday.  Meaning, I am teaching from 8am to 5pm with only a break for lunch.

Otherwise, I'd really appreciate a slice of chocolate cake, a curry puff, and a hot fudge sundae right about  now.

My fan page has 500 members

Teaching is for the egotistical.  I mean, who else would put themselves up on a stage or podium to tell others about the alleged knowledge that they possess?  People who think they are awesome.

I think I am pretty awesome.  Clearly I do, since I blog about my life, assuming that I'm snarky and interesting enough for others to pay attention.  And, well, teaching oral English makes you feel pretty freakin' awesome.

It's like having a personal fan club of 50+ students with ten different sections.  They love taking pictures with/of me, saying "Hello teacher!" or "Hello Miss Alison!" on the street, and complementing me on my smile or telling me that I'm beautiful.  If you ever feel like you have a self-esteem problem, come to China and these students will throw so many nice things your way, you will feel like you are a model turned genius.

Here is a picture of my class 15, my highest level that I teach.  They are all pretty great and have a very good command of English.

(and if you are read my earlier post from Brandon/ Pine, he is in the middle, below the guy in the yellow striped sweater, named James)

They think I'm awesome.  Because I am.

William

I caved and had dinner with my student last Tuesday because he was preparing for an oral English exam as part of a summer work program.  It sounds really sketchy and borderline illegal, but basically these students apply to a program where they pay a fee and then go to work in the US at a variety of different jobs including working at McDonalds, as is shown in the photo on the brochure.  I am against this on so many different levels and also want my students to get a better view of American than this warped cheap labor one.

It's marketed as some sort of "Work & Travel" program where they work for 3 months and then have money to travel around the US for a few weeks.  I question the legitimacy and legality of the whole thing.

So one of my students, William, is applying to this program and asked me to practice speaking English with him after class to prepare for the test.  I invited Jenna along so we could tag-team test him, but it was simultaneously the strangest, most hilarious and awkward dinner I've ever had with a Chinese person.

After we grilled him on some basic interview questions, the conversation took a turn to all sorts of weird topics.

• William asked us what we thought about love, and apparently this meant homosexuality (quote, "What about boy and boy or girl and girl?).  We told him that it was perfectly fine for a man to love another man and a woman to love another woman and he said this was just wrong and not correct while making all sorts of faces at us.  Moving on...
• Apparently the poor kid has an ex girlfriend that he is still in love with and still is his cell phone background.  They broke up at the start of the school year, but he says he is still in love with her.  He also said that she was "up here" and he was "down here" (then we couldn't really describe to him how to say 'out of your league').  
• Then he declared that he "wants a wife!" and basically spends all his extra time out of school looking for a girlfriend.  This is actually pretty common with students and they are obsessed with finding a significant other. 

Then the conversation shifted and he decided that he was in love with Jenna.

• William was perplexed that Jenna was single and had no desire to have a boyfriend.  He just didn't get it.  No matter how many times we said it, he would just be flabbergasted and say "I don't understand!" This is also a pretty common feeling in China.  We then tried to explain to him about the American desire to get to know yourself before you settle down and look for a wife/husband and he just didn't get it.  You'd think we were speaking a completely different language or that we were from a completely different planet. 
  
• Jenna is probably going to teach in Taiwan after this semester is over.  When she told William, you would think someone killed his puppy because he yelled "NOOO!!" and the color drained out of his face.  I laughed hysterically and was pretty much tearing at this point. 
• Then he decided that he wanted to be Jenna's boyfriend and kept asking her out to be his girlfriend.

When we walked back to our dorm, we got into this really awkward standoff when William wanted to give Jenna a hug but she wouldn't (teacher-student relationship... very dodgy here).  His logic was like this:

Americans : casual --> Jenna : American --> Jenna : casual

This ended in a standoff and a "joke" about whether he could hug her off campus.  On the whole, this was a very awkward dinner on many levels but shed light on many cultural differences between us as Americans and the Chinese.  I have a feeling I'll be mentally digesting this one for a while...