I’m starting to get annoyed by the fact that I don’t look American enough and that I also look too Chinese. The guards at the gate always stop me asking for my student ID and then don’t really believe me when I say I’m a foreign teacher. This only happens when I am not with the other American teachers. Other professors here also don’t believe me when I say I’m a teacher because I kind of blend in with the students.
At the same time, when they see me on the street they know I’m not Chinese. I look so obviously Singaporean, or hua ren, overseas Chinese. I also don’t dress like a Chinese person and act pretty differently, even when not speaking.
I guess I should start using the big ‘c’ Chinese and little ‘c’ chinese.
I also got asked by students in both of my Friday classes why my hair wasn’t blonde. They don’t really understand the concept of being Chinese-American. It’s either you’re Chinese or you’re American. They honestly think I should have blonde hair and don’t understand why I don’t live in China or Singapore.
So on the whole, I’m having a good time here but this was just something that has become a daily struggle for me. I don’t look American enough to fully warrant myself as an English teacher but at the same time, am not Chinese enough to be one of them, obviously.
This reminds me of a quote I read when I was in high school and it said:
“For it is us, the hyphenated ones [Asian-Americans] living in the middle and getting the best of both worlds.”
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3 comments:
I like the bit about hair colors. I suppose it's part of your identity as well as accessory. I had blonde (precisely, auburn) highlights when I lived in China and I've seen the craziest hair colors in Japan. But in the US, I much prefer my natural black hair. I like how it's rich, smooth and sleek (whoa, sounds like a shampoo commercial :).
You're Chinese? Get out of here. Dye your hair.
See, but this is when you can break out the I'm a fucking American routine. No, I'm American! Really! Ya know why, because you're from country of diversity, a place where you can be a hyphenated American.
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